Wednesday, July 14

Chemo Round 3, Day 12

Collin received his second doses of Cytoxan and Mesna last night. His tube feeds were held last night to keep him from being so nauseous; he only vomitted once this morning. He didn't have much breakfast, and our discharge today hinged on whether he was able to eat lunch and keep it down. Luckily he ate very well at lunch, and didn't vomit afterwards. We got home around 4:00 pm. Tomorrow a visiting nurse will come and show me how to give subcutaneous injections of Neupogen, which will help increase Collin's neutrophil production (the white blood cells responsible for fighting infection). I've had to give subcutaneous injections to myself, which was not a big deal, but I suspect it will be a little different (ie. harder) to give them to my baby.

It's so nice to be home again. Collin will be admitted to the hospital for his next round of chemo either the last week of July or the first week of August. Then we'll be in the hospital for another 3-4 weeks. Hopefully then we'll get to come home for a week or so before heading back for another 3-4 weeks for the fifth round of chemo. After that, we'll have a few weeks at home, and then we'll go back for another month or so for the final high dose chemo with the stem cell rescue. It looks like we'd be finished around the end of November. I'm not sure I have the stamina to keep doing this. Even though Collin seems to be doing so well, I hate that we have to deal with all this. It's just not fair.

I read this poem online today, and thought I'd share...

I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortab​le.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think of how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of the shoes, I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
Th​ey have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has a child that ​is battling cancer.