Sunday, April 25

Collin was on Morphine for his pain, so he was still pretty groggy most of the time. Every time he got a dose of Morphine, his oxygen saturation level (O2 sat) would drop because his breathing slowed so much, and he'd have to be put on oxygen. At times the nurse would have to stick a tube in his mouth or down his throat or nose to suction mucus out. His eyes were not lining up right; his right eye would look straight ahead and his left eye would drift up or out to the left, completely independent of each other. He would stare with kind of a blank look on his face, and it felt like he was looking right through us. We were told this was due to swelling in Collin's brain from the surgery, but that it should resolve over time. The MRI done the day after the surgery showed that the whole tumor had indeed been removed, but that there was some extra cerebral spinal fluid (CSF) in his head, so they were going to monitor things closely. Collin would moan on and off, and was rubbing at his face and head with his left hand. We asked the doctors and nurses why he was rubbing his face and head; he had done the same thing at home and I now knew it was his way of trying to tell me his head hurt. They explained that Morphine can make a person's face feel itchy, so that was probably why he was rubbing at his nose all the time. I fed him some tiny ice chips, which he seemed to make an effort to chew as they melted in his mouth and moistened his dry lips. Then I used a small syringe to feed him some of the breast milk I had been pumping so I didn't lose my supply while he was unable to nurse. Finally that afternoon I was able to hold him for a while, and he nursed for a short time. Again I held my baby and cried, but this time they were tears of joy. Later that day, we were moved into one of the end rooms in the PICU, which was nice because we weren't so out in the open in the middle of the big room. That night the nurse asked if I could hold Collin's hand while she drew some labs. As I watched her stick him with a needle multiple times in an effort to draw the blood she needed, I cried for all the pain he was being forced to endure.