One Year Ago...

Today...as I wake up and think about the things on my to do list for the day, it seems kind of surreal to me. Take the kids to get a picture with the Easter bunny. Take Collin to a doctor's appointment. Work on laundry. The kind of things most people are lucky enough to take for granted. But I am more thankful than you can imagine to be doing those normal tasks today. Because today is a day I wasn't sure I'd see. One year ago today, my world fell apart. One year ago today, my sweet, innocent baby boy was diagnosed with cancer. I had never felt such helplessness, fear, or despair in my life.

When Collin was first diagnosed, there were some thoughts that occurred to me that I haven't shared with many people up until now. When I had my first baby, I didn't really know just how fast the time would go, and that in the blink of an eye, she wouldn't be a baby any longer. People told me that time would fly, but I was so wrapped up in learning how to care for this tiny new person in my life that I didn't stop often enough just to enjoy it. But when Collin came along, I knew better. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't know how lucky I was to have him. I enjoyed the softness of his hair, hearing the little sounds he made, seeing all of his expressions, and inhaling his scent after he was freshly bathed. I didn't mind so much when he woke me in the middle of the night. I loved just holding him, and watching him as he nursed, and worried less about the household chores I wasn't getting done, because I knew that his babyhood was fleeting. But at some point, strange thoughts began to pop into my head during the quiet times with him. I wondered how I could go on if something happened to him, how I'd survive without him. Then one day I wondered how I'd survive if someone in my family had cancer. It was kind of a bizarre thought, since at the time no one in my family was even sick. I chalked it up to me being a worrywart, and tried not to dwell on it. But now looking back, I can't help but wonder if it was life's way of preparing me for what lay ahead. Of course, Collin was the last person I expected to have cancer.

Despite the heartache and fear, there have been many blessings over the last year. The wonderful doctors, nurses, therapists, and other staff that have worked so closely with Collin and our whole family. They saved Collin's life, and have become like family to us. The love, support, and countless prayers we have received from family, friends, and even people we've never met that have held us up and given us the strength to keep going even on the hardest days. The amazing group of Penn State college students who work tirelessly to raise phenomenal amounts of money for the Four Diamonds Fund to support area families who have a child being treated for cancer at Penn State Hershey Children's Hospital and fund ongoing research to find a cure. These students are among the most dedicated and ambitious people I have ever met, and I am glad my kids have them as role models. And the other childhood cancer warriors and their families who we have met who have offered understanding, support, information, and hope. I am keeping you all in my prayers, and look forward to the day when no other parent has to endure what we've all been through.

Here's to the year ahead, a year in which I hope Collin continues to be cancer free, a year that will hopefully get us one step closer to a cure once and for all.